so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
