I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm too high and old for this...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
