its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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