The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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