just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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