I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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