Princesses don't give blow jobs
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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