i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
