New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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