Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
