I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
