My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
