so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
