I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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