Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
