Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
