dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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