Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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