the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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