i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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