True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
