but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
