im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
