The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
