what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
