just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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