i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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