New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
