I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
babies were throwing up all over the place
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
