Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
