i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize