Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
