I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
