sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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