Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
