dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
