Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
