this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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