just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
