i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize