I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
