We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize