I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
