I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
