I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
