Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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