I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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