I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
