I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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