we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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