all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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