Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
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you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
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I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?