Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.

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(503): I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink. http://tfl.nu/0fnk

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth

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(414): it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth http://tfl.nu/rgv0

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(409): View more from Texas

We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

(1-409): View more from Texas

How are you texting me from 1998?

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(409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus (1-409): How are you texting me from 1998? http://tfl.nu/t1vq

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.

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(617): creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack. http://tfl.nu/jtst

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(651): View more from Minnesota

i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.

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(651): i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest. http://tfl.nu/l8w8

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(602): View more from Arizona

As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.

(208): View more from Idaho

I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.

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(602): As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by. (208): I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby. http://tfl.nu/looi

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.

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(505): I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle. http://tfl.nu/qs61

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(+61): View more from Australia

On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety

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(+61): On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety http://tfl.nu/7rit

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(515): View more from Iowa

It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.

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(515): It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful. http://tfl.nu/3wbb

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover

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(630): I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover http://tfl.nu/rxwn

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.

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(864): Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some. http://tfl.nu/bkik

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(760): View more from California

Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that

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(760): Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that http://tfl.nu/isr6

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(563): View more from Iowa

I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.

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(563): I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join. http://tfl.nu/n2je

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(770): View more from Georgia

We have started to decorate penises.

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(770): We have started to decorate penises. http://tfl.nu/ezlh

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(310): View more from California

What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.

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(310): What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business. http://tfl.nu/a4r2

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