Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
