so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species