I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.