Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.