The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
