airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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