I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize