I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
