I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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