Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
