Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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