Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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