this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
