i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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