did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
