I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
