Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
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