just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
