i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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