Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
