Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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