I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
