So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
