my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
