Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So here I am, sexting at work.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
