You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
