He is such a slut. More and more my type.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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