eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
whose parrot is this?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
