I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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