After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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